Questions and Answers about Relationships

by Bruce Rodgers

Relationships Q&A Index

General
- Trusting God vs. my responsibility
Church/Assembly
- Personality differences
- Dealing with differences
- Strengthening the assembly
Marriage
- Loneliness indicates marriage?
- Being a help meet
- Personality differences
- Passing over problems
- My spouse doesn’t want to change
- Sharing marriage struggles
- Money
Family
- Disagreements over how children should be raised
- Discipline
- Teaching contentment
- Teaching getting along
- Role of parents to grown children and grandchildren
The World
- Should we be friendly toward the unsaved?
- Gospel outreach methods
- The Christian’s involvement in politics
- Attitude toward transgender people
- Current events & the news

General Question

Q: Can we trust God to work out our relationship issues, and what if He doesn’t?

Introduction to Relationships
Our role in relationships: God’s sovereignty and our responsibility: Philippians 2:12-13; James 1:13-16; Romans 8

Relationships in God’s Assembly

Q: How do I balance personality differences in other believers that can be irritating or offensive to me with the need to simply love that person as God has made him/her?

Ephesians 3 & 4; Colossians 3:15
Four basic types of personalities: Sanguine (talker), Choleric (doer), Phlegmatic (watcher), Melancholy (thinker)

Q: How do we resolve assembly differences without jeopardizing assembly unity? (For example, some Christians are more concerned about the spread of illnesses like COVID and take more precautions, while others aren’t concerned at all and don’t need or want to be as careful.)

Romans 13-15
Difficulties and differences of mindset during the pandemic
Receiving one another

Q: What can I do to help my assembly be stronger?

God gives strength: God of patience, consolation, hope
- Romans 15:1-13; Lamentations 3:17-26; Psalm 16:11
- Every suffering now will turn to honor and glory in His presence
- The future is God’s: guarantees a future worth living
Spiritual gifts
- 1 Corinthians 14:12; 1 Timothy 4; 2 Timothy 4
- Unity comes from being centered on Christ. Get closer to Him.

Relationships and Marriage

Q: I feel lonely, does that mean I should be married?

The loneliness epidemic
Genesis 2:18-20 – incompleteness
1 Corinthians 7 – Benefits of being single
Ephesians 3 – You are never truly alone if you are in Christ.

Q: What is involved in being a “help meet”?

Genesis 1:1, 26-31; 2:18-23
The meaning of “help meet”
1 Corinthians 11, 1 Timothy 2 – Principle of Headship
Genesis 3 and Romans 5 – Responsibility of the man
Ephesians 5:21 – Love and respect; submission yet equality

Q: While opposites may attract during dating, these same qualities often seem annoying after the newness of marriage wears off. How can we reduce the friction caused by our personality differences?

James 1:19-20; 1 Peter 3:7-12
Ephesians 5
Resource: “The Five Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman (Quality time, Acts of service, Physical touch, Words of affirmation, Gift giving)
Resource: “His Needs, Her Needs” by Willard Harley, Jr.
Temperaments: finding the good in character traits
Dealing with conflict

Q: Is it sometimes better to just pass over the problems that come up between husband and wife rather than trying to work them out?

Ephesians 4:1-3, 25
Avoidance isn’t a good long-term strategy
Love and truth are the foundations of long-term relationships
There are times when it’s better to wait to address the problem
2 Samuel 14:14 – God seeks means to overcome a seemingly impossible barrier

Q: I want to work on making our marriage stronger, but my spouse is content with the way things are. What should I do?

What is a strong marriage?
What to do
When there is no response
Resource: “The Five Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman (Quality time, Acts of service, Physical touch, Words of affirmation, Gift giving)
Resource: “His Needs, Her Needs” by Willard Harley, Jr. – Prioritize the 10 most important emotional needs for husbands/wives:
- Affection
- Sexual fulfillment
- Conversation
- Recreational companionship
- Honesty and openness
- Attractive spouse
- Financial support
- Domestic support (meals, chores, laundry, etc.)
- Family commitment
- Admiration, Respect, Being Valued

Q: Is it ok to share marriage struggles and if so, to whom? And how do you make that unthreatening to the relationship?

Part of necessary growth is handling disagreements and unmet expectations. “Conflict is the price we pay for intimacy” – Dr. Gary Oliver

Q: Disagreements about money cause stress and conflict in marriages. Do you have any advice for couples that struggle in this area?

Readings: 1 Chronicles 29:9-14 Luke 12:13-15 Ephesians 5:5 1 Timothy 6:6-19 Hebrews 13:5 Matthew 6:19-34

Relationships and Family

Q: Disagreements about how children should be raised cause stress and conflict in marriages. Do you have any advice for couples who struggle in this area?

Q: Is the goal to force children to do what they are supposed to by discipline, to show them the right way and encourage them to choose wisely, or something else?

Q: How can we teach children to be content rather than always wanting something more?

Readings: Philippians 4:9-12; 1 Timothy 6:17

Q: Can you give some examples of how to teach children to get along with each other? When they both want the same object for example?

Readings: Matthew 7:12

Q: What is the biblical role of parents to grown children and grandchildren?

Readings: Genesis 2 John 14 1 Timothy 5:3-4, 16 2 Corinthians 12

Relationships in the World

Q: Is it important to be friendly with people that aren’t saved? Invite them for meals, etc.?

Q: Can you give some examples of how I can have contacts in the world in order to reach them with the gospel, but not allow it to be an unequal yoke?

Q: What are some ways assemblies can reach out in the community in other ways besides gospel meetings?

Readings: Matthew 5:43 Luke 10:25-27 1 Corinthians 9:19-22

Q: What is a Christian’s relationship to politics?

References: 2 Corinthians 5:16-20; Philippians 1:27; 3:19-21; Hebrews 11:13-16; 1 Peter 2

Q: How should we act toward transgender people? (Part 1 – background)

Resources:

Q: How should a Christian act toward transgender people? (Part 2)

A move to detransition
How do we handle a family member who transitions?
How do we handle a transgender person who attends an assembly meeting?

Resources:

The Christian and Current Events:

How responsible am I to know world events and actions it prompts?
How wise is it to be occupied with world events and what predictions Christian media make?
In light of current world events, what should I be doing?

References: Matthew 24:42, 44-46